Date: 04/03/2012 6:05 PM Title: Epilogue: Ken
This works, Chris. Poor Ken. He's got a lot of self-loathing.
(Warning, I'm apparently in a rambling mood. Or it could be the major lack of sleep!)
Ken's always seemed to me to absorb every perceived fault that could get a teammate hurt or killed, using that to drive himself more and more toward perfection, which is good for his job ... but he forgets to be a human being with needs too (not to mention getting a bit carried away at times). Adding on a fear of losing his best friend because of feelings that he can't seem to change, and letting that push him into not telling Jun what she needs to hear to move on, just isolates him even further. I think it'd drive him into emotional trouble even faster than it hits him in canon. So that's what I'm playing with. Plus, the fallout from the Jigokillers/Fierce Flowers seems, to me, to be glossed over a bit in canon. No one takes Ken/Mark aside to discuss his attempt to kill himself? (Or just gives an order to keep an eye on him so he doesn't try again.) He flat out announces his attentions on his bracelet. There was no doubt of what he was trying to do. Anyway, glad my brain finally coughed this last bit up. :) I'd decided it was finished because I seemed to have run out of story, but was always glaring at it like I knew something was missing. :)
Date: 03/02/2012 7:46 PM Title: Chapter 1
I really enjoy your writing style and I thought your characterizations were well achieved. However, I did think that, after the revelation in the beginning of the story, we'd see some sort of resolution or change in understanding - growth maybe? - in terms of Joe and Ken. Even something as simple as Joe realizing that something is different about Ken by the end of the story would have been helpful, but they all seem to be as clueless to the underlying tension of the story at the end as they were at the beginning. Put another way - either move the big reveal about Ken to the end of the story or have an even more compelling, exciting reveal at the end to top the first. Does that make sense? Your writing is exquisite, but the construction of the plot fell a bit short for me. Looking forward to more!
Aw thank you very much. :) Really I think what I have here is one long novel, that I'm posting in 4 or so parts as a series. I do think you have good points, I could have had Joe be a bit concerned about Ken, will definitely keep that in mind if I decide to go back and make some changes!
Doing a final edit on story #2 now.
Date: 03/02/2012 6:29 PM Title: Epilogue: Joe
Chris, I thought for sure Ken was going to blurt his love out to Joe at some point. I'm assuming there's more to this thread to come. I enjoyed your interpretation.
Author's Response: Thanks! It happens rather early in the next installment. :)
Date: 02/28/2012 5:28 PM Title: Chapter 1
This was one of my favourite episodes (well, okay, I've only seen the BoTP version, but still...). I'm loving it so far, and I'm looking forward to see where you take the story! Plus I looooved the line "Or a pretty damsel in distress, terribly grateful for timely intervention" -- exactly what Joe would think :)
Author's Response: With his luck she'd be a Devil Star/Galaxy Girl :) But maybe he'd get lucky first *snicker*
Date: 02/27/2012 10:01 PM Title: Chapter 1
As much as it breaks my heart for Ken to have feelings for Joe in this story (especially this episode!), you did a fantastic job of showing the episode from a gay Ken's POV and it makes sense (as much as I hate to admit it). *grin*
Now I need to go and read some mushy Ken/Jun stuff to make myself feel better! LOL
Great writing, Chris!
Author's Response: Thanks! This is part 1 of at least 3, so it ain't over til it's over :)
Date: 02/27/2012 1:51 PM Title: Chapter 1
I thought you did a fine job of delving into the turmoil Ken must have been feeling. However, I could tell you were holding back when it came to the interaction between Ken and the other teammates. Don't be afraid to let the story take you where it needs to go. And if you're not sure about a subject being explored, give the story an "Adult" rating and trust in the other members of this group to let you know if anything needs to be adjusted. This story hasn't reached its potential yet, and I hope to read more.
Hmmm, it's possible I was over-focused on Ken and Joe (for some reason they're the ones who really pull at me), and/or on sticking really close to the Jigokillers episodes. Something to ponder! This is the first in a 3-part series, though it's the last one that came to mind, spurred by the Romance prompt. Would like a 2nd beta on the next part before posting it. Thanks for your comments. :)
I didn't think this one in particular needed an Adult rating, but the next 2 definitely will for a variety of reasons.
Date: 02/27/2012 3:42 AM Title: Chapter 1
Really enjoyed reading the Flowers episodes from Ken and Joe's POV, very well written too! :) The only thing is, I was somehow expecting a bit more 'interaction' between Ken and Joe, with you adding slash in your contents. Thanks! I honestly wasn't sure if I should put slash in there or not, as it's more hinted at here. If that's not an appropriate category I can remove it.
Thanks! I honestly wasn't sure if I should put slash in there or not, as it's more hinted at here. If that's not an appropriate category I can remove it.