Reviews For Mercury Rising
You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: Chris White Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 02/09/2013 5:21 AM Title: Chapter 1: 49 Percent

I'm sure she is "finished," heh, one way or another. I'd think an artificial brain could be reprogrammed. All they have to do is send someone who looks like Lucy to lure the team out!

Mark's going to be kicking himself a LOT. It's bad enough he's still unable to fight, but he did indeed expose who he was at the very least. Having just seen his second and best friend shot, though, makes it plausible that Mark wouldn't be thinking 100% clearly at the time.

In the section where Mark and Jason are talking (the gun rebuilding) I got confused at times about who was speaking.  

Author's Response:

Thanks a lot for that Chris. :D

My inner Lotus Eater notes that I *could* end things here as an open-ended story. ;)   However, I'm a little too evil to leave bad enough alone... and it might even get a little interesting. 

Thanks too for letting me know I'm reverting to my bad habits of sparsely attributed dialogue. Fixed! 

You must login (register) to review.