Date: 09/23/2014 5:23 PM Title: Chapter 1
I love how you write Joe. I can totally see him thinking and acting (etc)the way you've written him. You have a great feel for the character in my opinion. And it was interesting to see him paired up with Ryu this time around. It made for a nice change of pace. I don't recall seeing this on Bird-Go, so I'm not sure if you're still writing for this fandom. But I do hope that you are, and that maybe in the future you'll consider posting more of your work.
Date: 03/11/2008 10:27 PM Title: Chapter 1
"Or whatever it flew with. You could never tell with Galactor mechs." - I love this line! Oh, so true! :D
"...corridor in flash of red and white, Joe and Jinpei on his heels." - I think that should have been "Jun and Jinpei", right?
The introduction of the internal heads-up display was good. At first I thought someone was using some strange light to check his eyes for concussion, but you quickly cleared that up. ;) It was nice to see how you wove the display into the fabric of the story itself.
When Ken launched himself from the Command area, he was coming towards his team-mates, right?
If the freight elevator was moving that fast (about 10 seconds, right?), that means it was moving rather fast.
Question on the regen tanks: was Ryu completely suspended in it (with a mask over his face?), so that it covered his head? Or was his head sticking out?
Let me say, you write in a way that is very easy to read, and nicely descriptive. The only thing I noticed was that every so often, the tense would shift from past to present.
The only thing I was still curious about at the end was if Joe was arranging to find/talk to Raphael, and if whatever triggered the display to start working isn't going to 'heal' and make it go away. But that would have really expanded the story in a way that would have been difficult to keep the pace you set earlier in the fanfic.
I like how you hinted at the end of meeting Dr. Pandora, which places the story very nicely within Gatch 2. :)
I liked the pairing of the Condor and Owl. They have an interesting friendship and working relationship, which was nice to see another glimpse of in this fanfic.
Very good fanfic that came out of very nice challenge. You definitely kept from using 'torture' in this, although I think the death count was pretty high. At least their demise was relatively quick. ;)
Author's Response: Thanks, Julieann! And especially thanks for the notes...I'll fix what I can. This was totally unbeta'd and written really, really fast, and I guess it shows in places. :-) I had a ball with it, though. (I think Joe did, too. :-) )
Date: 03/04/2008 12:56 PM Title: Chapter 1
This was a brilliant take on the challenge, Sam. Using Joe's cyborg tendencies to incorporate the time element was a stroke of pure genius. I loved the idea that Joe's cyborg components worked so similarly to my own electronic appliances!