Date: 02/18/2009 9:05 PM Title: Midnight
Nice to see you writing again after quite a break, Sal. A very dark, moody piece with the off-kilter ambience skilfully established using a rather minimalistic style. The one jarring thing was the phrase, "fear and despise." In the context of the sentence where you used it, it doesn't work or make sense. Perhaps you were looking for "fear and contempt" or "fear and derision"?
The narrative voice was brilliantly creepy. The story was very well executed overall with great pacing. Nicely done.