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Condor's Laws of Motion by Liz Schechter
Condor's Laws of Motion by Liz Schechter
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Condor's Laws of Motion
By Liz Schechter

First Law:
1. Condors at rest had damn well better be allowed to *remain* at rest!
Corollary: If Condors at rest must be disturbed, there had better be coffee and a damn good reason. Just having a damn good reason is not enough. Coffee has to be involved. Certain pinheaded commanders should make note of this.

2. Condors in motion will remain in motion, and will run over anything that gets in the way.
Corollary: Anything in the way of a Condor in motion had better learn to duck and/or have made out their will. Certain pinheaded commanders should also make note of this one.

Second Law:
Force is equal to how pissed off I am at the time and how much firepower I have available.

Third Law:
For every action there is an equal and appropriate amount of explosives.
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