You're a busy man.
(Shot of Anderson sitting at his desk, frowning at a pile of papers.)
Your work is far too important to trust to just anyone.
(Shot of Zark taking a ten-second oil break.)
You can't afford to waste time.
(Numerous shots of men [and one woman] pushing 1950's style thick-framed glasses up their noses, then trying to screw teeny little screws back into the frames, and finally taping their glasses together with copious amounts of duct tape.)
That's why you need Magna-glasses (TM).
(Same shot of Anderson, sitting at his desk. This time, he looks up - the frown is less severe - and you can see that his glasses have no stems.)
Magna-glasses (TM) use a mysterious, powerful, ancient force known MAG-NE-TISM.
(Cut to crude drawing of Earth with little wiggly lines coming out of it.)
This mystical secret, which has been finally been unlocked by modern-day scientists, can now be yours for the low, low price of $299.95, plus shipping and handling.
(Gratuitous shot of 1-Rover-1 wagging his tail and yipping enthusiastically.)
Simply insert the specially-formatted surgical-grade steel tool (shot of a pipe cleaner) up your nasal cavity to place these tiny but powerful magnets (small silver-colored balls that look like children's toy) into your frontal sinuses. Now your glasses will stay on like magic!
(Numerous shots of same men [and woman] in glasses exactly like Anderson's, all wearing powder blue suits, now with slight smiles on their faces.)
Buy now, and we'll throw in this beautiful blue suit (You know the one!) absolutely free!
Magna-glasses (TM). For a perfect fit, every time.
(Closing shot of Zark in powder blue suit, clip-on tie, and glasses, burbling contentedly. 1-Rover-1 is laying at his feet, happily munching the surgical-grade steel pipe cleaner.)