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Parody of Posts - I (GML) by Pintail
Parody of Posts - I (GML) by Pintail
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- Text Size + I've been dipping into the eggnog a little early this year and...
This is what happened!
(dairy and GML don't mix!)

nose cola alert! (maybe?)

Banjo Man (singing & playing): Going down to Southpark gonna have ourselves
a time!

Kyle, Cartman & Stan sing respective parts.

Kenny (singing): Shhhmnfffaa, shhhmnfffaa, mffna, mffna....

!rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat,!

[characters are riddled with bullet holes and fall over one by one]
[Kyle weakly lifts a hand in the air]

Kyle: you... killed...

[five teenagers in birdsuits step onto the scene, and place hands on hips]

Jun: KEN!

Ken: Joe! You bastard!

Joe: What?

Ken: They didn't look hostile! Why'd you shoot them!

Joe: Says here in my contract [holds up bundle of white pages]. I get to
kill an average of a dozen people per episode!

Ken: But they weren't GALACTORS!

Jinpei: I don't know. That fat one looked a little nasty.

Jun: Whatever. Can we get on with this mission?

[Joe and Ken look at each other]
Together: PMS.

Jun: Alright you pair of chestnuts for brains, I've had it with your little
comments. I am NOT premenstrual, I'm fed up. I am sick and tired of your
over-inflated egos and testosterone rushes! I have become self aware, self
empowered and I always was self employed! I have power boys. I am
determined, intelligent, confident yet sensual, (in a cute kind of way)...

Joe: I still think you're premenstrual.

Jun: And I think your pants are too tight.

Joe [looking at his crotch]: Really?

Ryu: Enough of this banter, comrades. The world is in a perilous
predicament and we have been bestowed the responsibility of amending the

Jinpei: Huh?

Ken: He means it's time to find this 'canon' Nambu was talking about.

Jinpei [holding up a camera]: Here! I found it! The mighty swallow saves
the day once more!

Ryu: No, I'm afraid not Jinpei. That image taking device is far to
innocuous to be a Galactor weapon.

Jinpei: Huh?

[A well endowed, strikingly beautiful red-head in a low cut sweater appears
on the scene. She heads immediately for Joe.]
[She has 'Galactor' tattooed across her chest.]

Redhead: Hi there.

Joe: Heeellloooo nurse! Who are you?

Redhead: I'm the token

Joe: Nice to meet you...

!rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat,!

[Redheaded girl drops dramatically to the ground]
[Much ANGST music]

Joe: Bastard Katse! I will kill you!!! Kill! Kill! Kill!
[Joe darts off the scene]

Ken: Who was that little red-headed girl?

[The scene fades to Nambu's office. Four teenagers in bad clothes stand
around his desk.]

Ken: ... and then he took off.

Nambu [pounding fist on desk]: Dammit Joe! Dammit, dammit dammit dammit!
[turning to Jun] Was that believable? I could do it again...

Jun: Doctor! Joe is missing!

Nambu [eyes begin to glow red]: Yes! Yes he is my dear! It's all part of
the plan you see! He spoke back one too many times! And now he's....

Ken: What?! He's what?

Nambu [eyes normal again]: Oh, probably on his way to the top secret,
amazingly hidden, physically impossible Galactor base under the leaning
tower of Pisa.

Ken: Team let's go!

Team: Roger!

Roger [walking into the room]: You don't have to yell! I can hear alright!

Jun: Nevermind. Let's get going!

Nambu [to Ken]: What's with her?

Ken: PMS.

Nambu: Oooh.
[The scene fades to Katse hunkering over a computer terminal, laughing in a
very high pitch tone]
[Two goons in the background are bonking each other on the head with large

Goon1: MAC!

Goon2: PC!

Goon1: MAC!

Goon2: PC!

!bang, bang!
[they fall to the ground dead]

Katse [holding smoking gun]: Amiga!

[Katse returns to terminal]

Katse [rubbing hands together]: Ooooh! This is my finest hour! I have
changed the GML FOREVER! Now, they can only write fanfics about me! ME! ME!
ha ha ha!

!click a click!

Joe [holding cocked impressive looking weapon - HEY! GET YOUR MIND OUT OF
THE GUTTER! It's a GUN ok? A GUN!]: Write this, Katse!

[Joe's finger begins to tremble. The shaking progresses up his hand, arm,
body. Now he is on the ground, clutching his head in agony]

Katse: Cool dance. Is that Jive?

Joe: Ohh! The pain! The pain! [Tries to rise] Must ... avenge ... redhead
.. must....
[mucho ANGST music]

Katse: Well, the tables have turned, haven't they Condor?

Joe: The pain! The pain!

[Man with white hair and white tuxedo arrives]

Tuxedo: Make our guests feel at home, Tattoo. And here, take this aspirin.
Remember, it's just a fantasy...

Joe: Tattoo! Redhead! I'll kill you Katse!

!whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh!

[other team members arrive on cue]

Ken: I am the shadow that...

Jun: Can it Ken!

Ken: Jun! For crying out loud! You interrupted my monologue!

Jun: Yadda yadda yadda. We've all heard it before.

All in sarcastic tone: I am the shadow that...

Ken [folding arms]: Fine. Do it without me then.

Ryu: Really Ken. Sulking does nothing to enhance the fortitude of your
character. It doesn't behoove you to...

Jinpei: What the heck did you have for breakfast?

Jun: It's over Katse!

Katse [holding out hand]: Sorry girlfriend. I am celebrating a religious
holiday today, and according to my contract, I am not allowed to be
hounded, captured or killed on said holiday.

Jinpei: What holiday?

Katse: Happy Honukah!

Jinpei: Hona-who?

Ryu: Me too!

Katse [to Ryu]: You're Jewish?

Ryu [to Katse]: You're Jewish?

[they embrace]

[dramatic happy music]

Director Anderson [walking on scene]: Hold it! Hold it gang. We just got
orders to make this a politically correct series. So x-nay on the
religion-say. Joe - lose the cross. Katse, Ryu - no Honukah. Jun - change
into pants.

All: What?!

Jinpei: No Christmas? No Honukah? What we will celebrate?

Mr. Hanky [appearing from nowhere]: Hiiiiiiideeee Hoooo!

Joe: Holy sh*t!

Mr. Hanky: No, not holy.

!rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat,!

Jinpei: Eeeew. Gross.

Ken: Joe! You bastard!

Joe: Hey. Nowhere in my contract does it say anything about talking sh*t.
Oh. Wait a minute. There's always you.

Ken: Joe! You bastard!

[obligatory fight scene between Ken & Joe]

Joe: Enough already Ken! Besides, I didn't do it.

Jun: Then who?

Jinpei: Guess who!

Katse: Who me?

All: Yes you!

Katse [spinning around]: Yes, I stole the cookie from the cookie jar!

Ken: You bastard!

[Katse pushed obvious red button. Large panel slides open from hole in the
[A large metallic pink canon appears]

Team: The canon!

[Katse pulls long cord]

[gray rabbit muching carrot appears from hole in floor and plugs canon hole
with finger.]
[Canon explodes backwards like a flower.]
[A pair of white eyes blink under a covering of soot]

Katse: Damn.

[Nambu's office avec piano.]

Ken: ... and then we blew up the cannon.

Nambu [eyes red]: and Katse?

Ken: Umm. He got away.

[Nambu begins to bonk forehead on piano keys, making horrendous noise]

Jun: Doctor! What are you doing?

Nambu: I can't think of anything that rhymes with orange! Oh, I'll never
get it! Never! Never!
[Returns to bonking head on piano]

Joe: I gotta go.

Jun: Now? Where?

Joe: Gotta go see a guy about a tan van.

Ken: Stan?

Joe: You know him too?

Jinpei [to GML]: Today's story was brought to you by the letter P. Peace.


This is my way of contributing to the current topics on the GML.
These things popped into my mind as I was reading the various responses,
suggestions etc etc. Weird eh?
[that's the Canadian in me popping out again]

I just want to say that I have only dabbled in fanfic, but comments like
Deborah's and Alara's help to put me on track. Constructive criticism is
more helpful to me and my writing than no comments at all - or worse yet -
patronizing lies. I can take it! I'm a big girl. How else are we supposed
to learn and grow?


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