Hazy Shade of Winter by Asakurafan
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Asakurafan: Hazy Shade of Winter

Inspired by The Bangle's recording of the Simon & Garfunkel classic, which is quoted without permission.

The usual fanfic copyright disclaimers- everyone and everything in here (with the exception of the song) belongs to Tatsunoko. No money is being made and no infringement is implied. The story itself is mine.

 


 

 

 

 

HAZY SHADE OF WINTER

 

 

By Asakurafan

 

 

 

Cold. Empty. Raw.

Victorious, yet defeated.

Walking into the bar, she let the door close behind her and tossed the keys on the counter.

Alone.

Finally.

Jinpei was with Ryu, exhausted by the funeral. Ken was God Knows Where. Not with her. Never would be, it seemed, for all Joe's encouragement.

Joe.

The pain started again, building in pit of her stomach - the pain that kept threatening to overwhelm her, which she kept in check by short bursts of quiet tears.

Need to maintain. Go to the jukebox. Put something on. Anything.

Titles a blur.

Damn.

Hit the random button.

Damn.

One of Joe's favorites.

Not ever acknowledged of course, but still, she'd heard him softly sing along-saw the look on his face when he thought he was unobserved. She was one of the few who could catch him off guard.

 

Time, time, time

See what's become of me

While I looked around

For my possibilities

I was so hard to please

 

The threatened sob welled up into a dry, anguished scream.

He can't be gone.

He can't.

He can't.

 

Look around

Leaves are brown

And the sky

Is a hazy shade of winter

 

Anger. No, not anger. Rage.

Burning hatred.

Hatred of Gallactor, hatred of this whole war that had torn her world apart for almost as long as she could remember.

She glanced around the empty room. It looked as it always did. But it would never look the same again. Never.

The music pounded louder and louder, competing with the noise in her head.

 

Time, time, time

 

Now they would all have time.

Except Joe.

Joe ran out of time.

 

Hear the Salvation Army Band

Down by the riverside

It's bound to be a better ride

Than what you've got planned

Carry a cup in your hand

 

Only Joe had always sung "Carry a gun in your hand."

She was suddenly aware of the comforting bulge of her yo-yo pressing against her hipbone in her pocket. A second later it was out, warm in her trembling hand.

 

Look around

Leaves are brown

And the sky

Is a hazy shade of winter

 

She glanced up at the bar. Rows of bottles gleamed dully in the darkened room, reflecting the outside neon.

One bottle stood out. Joe's favorite.

 

Hang onto your hopes my friend

That's an easy thing to say

But if your hopes should pass away

Simply pretend

That you can build them again

 

Reflex kicked in.

The sound of glass shattering, liquid spilling off the shelf somehow helped.

She let fly again.

Glass shattered, flickering shards everywhere.

Again the yo-yo flew, again the sound competing with the screaming in her head. Punctuating the beat of the music.

 

Look around

Grass is high

Fields are ripe

It's the springtime of my life

 

She paused to catch her breath. One face, then two, merging into one in her mind's eye. Her anger fuses them. The ones she loves, in different ways; the ones she hates at this moment- in different ways.

One for keeping his distance.

One for never coming home.

Again the weapon flew; again the targets splintered.

Again.

And again.

Then the shaking started. She realized her face was wet with hot tears, and her throat sore from the screaming that she hadn't heard above the noise in her head.

 

Seasons change with their scenery

Weaving time in a tapestry

Won't you stop and remember me

 

She sank to her knees, sobbing.

 

Look around

Leaves are brown

There's a patch of snow on the ground

 

Ken stood outside the Snack J, watching her through the window. The glass reflected the pain on his face. When she slid to the floor, he turned, and walked silently off into the dark.

 

 

*********

 

 

 

 

Ken had watched her fall apart- for the first time realization that he wasn't the only one destroyed by pain hit him; yet he could do nothing to help her. He got back in his car and realized he too was shaking. The Gatchaman, who never so much as flinched at danger, was trembling.

Joe can't be gone.

He can't.

He can't.

Ken closed his eyes against the unwanted tears.

He's gone.

Maybe if he repeated it to himself he would begin to believe it. Gunning the engine, Ken roared off toward the highway that would take him out of Utoland.

The words of the song echoed in his mind. He couldn't even pretend to rebuild his hopes; he had lost far too much in the war with Galactor- his father, now his brother. What hopes did he have left?

Jun.

Always, in the back of his mind, in the corner of his heart, had been Jun.

But what could he offer her now? He was a shell of a person- he had spent so many years trying to hide his feelings. Joe had seen right through him though. At the end, he had heard Joe what Joe said to Jun. Joe had wanted something more for her; something that he felt Ken could give her. But could he?

 

He pulled off to the side of the road at an overlook. Utoland lay spread out below him in a million twinkling lights, and one of those lights was the Snack J, where he had left Jun sobbing on the floor because he was too empty himself to comfort her. He could hear Joe's voice in his mind.

Go back, don't be an idiot.

 

Look around

Grass is high

Fields are ripe

It's the springtime of my life

 

His whole world had suddenly changed, was suddenly full of possibilities he had never dared to think about before, and he had no idea what to do, nor any hope left. Twenty years old; he felt at least twice that. It was definitely no longer springtime, Ken decided grimly. He'd bypassed the rest, and gone straight to winter.

 

Seasons change with their scenery

Weaving time in a tapestry

Won't you stop and remember me

 

Joe.

Ken buried his face in his arms on the steering wheel and sobbed.

 


Hazy Shade of Winter

Bookends (P. Simon, 1968)

Lyrics retrieved from the World Wide Web:

http://freespace.virgin.net/r.kent/lyrics/bookends

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