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Correspondence Received I by Grumpy Ghost Owl
Correspondence Received I by Grumpy Ghost Owl
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DISCLAIMER
This is an original work of fan-fiction.  Gatchaman and Battle of the Planets are the property of Tatsunoko and Sandy Frank Productions. No profit, gain, hire or reward is received by the author for this work.



Dr David Anderson
Chief of Staff
Galaxy Security
ISO Tower
45 Amano Boulevard
CENTER CITY


Dear Dr Anderson

Thank you for providing much valued customer feedback on the performance of your recently purchased Quanto Tobor cybernetic artificial intelligence device.

Your phone call was the subject of some discussion amongst our engineering staff and I have been asked to assure you that nobody here is trying to drive you to drink, madness, or indeed any other form of either substance abuse or mental illness by way of the Zark product.

What you refer to as the "idiotic expression" on the Zark product's facial analogue was designed to double as an invaluable user-friendly and easily interpreted diagnostic aid. Its use is covered in Appendix "y" of Volume 13 of the manual.

Our Chief Designer takes exception to your insinuation that he was drunk when he gave component F17-X34A#5/W9 the designation "FOSDIC" or Film Optical Sensing Device for Interfacing with Computers. The medication he was taking at the time had been prescribed for him by a registered medical practitioner.

I assure you that none of the devices in the Zark range have any kind of self-propagation capability. If the 7-Zark-7 unit is indeed infatuated with the Susan unit, then please be aware that this is merely an undocumented feature of our exclusive and patented quasi-human personality programming and that it is definitely not possible for them to breed.

The "Aerodynamic Cape" option is considered very stylish and incorporates both practical lifting capacity and sleek European design. Users of Zark units deployed on mine sites and deep space exploration missions have provided much positive feedback on the performance of this product. At only $27,000 extra, we feel the Aerodynamic Cape affords you the opportunity to make the most of your Zark Unit. Your comments about the helmet were, I feel, quite unwarranted. I personally see absolutely no resemblence to any kind of prophylactic whatsoever.

We at QTL do acknowledge when we have problems, and we are aware of general operating fault number 9863-67/C, which has been dubbed "ENC" or "Excessive Nanny Complex." Several software patches have been written, and our programming staff is continuing to seek a solution. We anticipate release of software patch ENC666-L within the next month or so, as soon as our Chief Programmer gets back from stress leave. Our staff psychiatrist assures me that most of the programming staff will make a full and complete recovery within the course of the next year.

As a gesture of goodwill, we at QTL would like to send you a small token of our appreciation of your on-going custom. Please find enclosed the very latest beta prototype of our newest product, the "Rover." Enjoy it in good health.

Yours sincerely

WILLIAM H FARNARKLE III
Manager, Customer Liaison
Quanto Tobor Laboratories Pty Ltd


Enc:1



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