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Handcuffed by Daniel Rush
Handcuffed by Daniel Rush
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Handcuffed

 Once again,  the mind of the Jimp scrambles along at warped speed! Here's a Keyop /Zoltar Fanfic based on the time honored (and well overdone) concept of two people handcuffed together,  who just total hate each other,  but have to work together to survive.

The story opens with our two "victims" locked together as Zoltar is being taken to the maximum security lockup on Cronos 5. Unfortunatly,  through shear luck,  The all shifty one get's a laser gun in hand and blast a neat little hole in the transport ship,  causing it to crash on Cronos in a very remote and very nasty desert.

Well as fate would have it,  along comes the Venucian Mafia who want Zoltar dead and Keyop as a side dish on their dinner plates (nasty little jerks these Venucians) so despite his anger at the "Blue Beatle maniac",  Keyop has to join Zoltar in runing from trouble,  while getting into it at the same time......

Woe to the young one!

Jimp


*******************

"Shit!" Keyop said as he grabbed his face to see if he was still alive. He remembered only a bit of what had happened on the ship before the struggle left him lying in a painfull daze amoung what remained of the Cronos shuttle.

 " My, my, .....will someone please stop this miserable planet's spinning!" Zoltar screamed as he held his head in place. All he could think about was what that miserable little rodent had done by grabbing the plasma rifle,  he had taken from that guard. Had that little neusence stayed out of things it would have been all right,  but true to his dossier....the "small one" as Zoltar called the G-4,  G-Force,  had struck again!

Zoltar then remembered one thing......... "Oh no. Please say it isn't so great spirit!" He turned to find Keyop still secured by the thick handcuffs that also bound Zoltar as well. The man let forth a scream of horror such as never heard before.

 "Why! Why! Why! No! No!.....Great Spirit! why do you torment me like this....Arggg!"

"Hey!" Keyop said as he smacked Zoltar's arm. "Do me a favor and shut your stupid trap! Doberman Pinscher poster child!"

"What!" screamed Zoltar in reply. "What did you call me?"

 " Oh great,  you got those two stupid things sticking out of your head and you can't hear me? I said DOBERMAN PINSCHER POSTER CHILD!"

 Zoltar looked at Jinpei with a raging look of anger. "Look here,  small one,  It's not my fault you grabbed for the lazer gun and set it off at the bulkhead. And another thing,  I think we have a size mismatch here which makes me higher than......"

 "SMACK!" Keyop belted Zoltar across the chin with a good solid fist.

 "I'll give you size mismatch you refugee from a Star Trek film. I'm the Great Swallow Keyop and if you wana test my fist again......."

 "SMACK!" This time it was Zoltar who struck back. A good shot to the mouth that sent Keyop scurrying...but not too far since he was still attached to Zoltar's wrist.

 " You hit me! Dweeb! You know that's called child abuse down on Earth! Just wait till we get to the prison! I'll sue your butt for all it's worth and knowing you,  it ain't much at all!"

"Oh......" said Zoltar with a serious look on his face. " Am I too cringe in terror? Realy..... someone should have corpralized your behind a long time ago. Now that I finaly get to see you up close Mr. Great Swallow,  the only thing I see great about you is that your a "little,  great,  stupid....BRAT!"

"OH YEAH? WELL YOUR AN ANOREXIC,  HYPOCONDRIATIC, DARTH VADER,  DRAG QUEEN!"

 " BIG MOUTHED,  SMALL BRAINED,  DWARF COUSINED,  SHRIMP!!

(The sound of heavy punching,  kicking,  and vile cussing fills the speeker phones of one daddy zordonio balluchi,  the don of Venusia)

"Hey ah boyza...we hav da targetza below us! Prepairs to kickza some assa!! Where's that Swallow cooking manual at , Borcheesio?)

*******************

 They had finaly stopped , after about five minutes of punching each other out,  but they were by no means finished with the name calling.

"Rodent!" Zoltar said as he wiped the blood from his chin where Keyop got in a good bite with his sharp teeth.

 " Dirtbag!" Keyop said as he held his face where Zolar had scratched him with his sharp finger nails. "If this leaves a scar and I end up tramatized for life,  your butt won't be...."

 " Yes, yes,  I know the monitary insult oh terror of the Tasmanian car seat. Could you just stop with the verbal abuse for once?"

 "Tasmanian car seat? You know,  you can speek those fifty dollar words well Zoltar,  where'd you go to school on Spectra?"

" I didn't." Said Zoltar. "I went to school on Earth at Berkley....studied drama and the theatrical arts. You must have diction to be a dictator you know."

Keyop sat with his back uncomfortably resting on Zoltars,  he sqirmed a little before poking his elbow into the tall "man's" back.

"I wish we could get these stupid chains off! Sitting even two feet from you makes me angry. Your such a jerk!" Keyop said as he looked at the ground.

 ' And your better? In my eyes your the enemy who tries to wipe my people off the face of the gallaxy,  our feelings for each other are quite mutual don't you think?"

Keyop stood up. "That's bull! Who goes around bombing cities! All the others in G-Force lost something because of you,  Including me!"

 Zoltar turned to face the boy. "And why is that? Do you somehow hate yourself  because your different? A biological construct,  a clone? Do you realy see yourself that way?"

 " Shut up!" Keyop said with tears. "You don't know Jack about anything! I should kill you here and now and get this stupid war over with once and for all!"

 Just then.....an explosion tore apart a nearby section of wreakage!

 Zoltar jumped. "In the words of one of your common Eathling slangs........"HOLY SHIT RUN LIKE HELL!"

 Zoltar scooped Keyop off his feet and took off with the Venucian Maffy Mecha in hot pursuit.."Mama meea Gedovanio! Shoot straita for once you neara sided Bastead!"

*******************


"PUT ME DOWN! PUT.....ME.......DOWN!!" Keyop screamed as Zoltar ran as fast as he could to avoid the Venucian Pasta Mecha as he discovered to his horror that it was a mafia warship!

 " I knew the fat,  alien. scum would find me sooner or later!"

Keyop squirmed to get free but Zoltar threw him in the air just as they both jumped over a rock to avoid another laser bolt.

 Landing hard on his backside,  Keyop jumped up mad as a rabid dog. "YOU STUPID JERK! I SHOULD KICK YOUR ASS AGAIN JUST FOR G.P.!"

 "Relax small one,  we don't have such a luxury for fist an cuffs at this time. Not when the Venucian mafia has decided to change the rules!" Zoltar pointed to the floating Mafia mecha in the sky.

" The mafia? What did you do,  welsh on a bet ?" Keyop asked as he took out a set of bola.

" No....I never bothered to pay them for letting me borrow the dreaded calamari pizza mecha! Stupid machine...failed to work properly."

 "Well." Keyop said as he smiled. "If you'd learn to drive for once,  we wouldn't have so much luck in kicking your butt!"

 Keyop whirled his bola as Zoltar watched with a weird look on his face. "Oh....and what prey tell are you going to do with that toy..... small one?"

 Keyop stopped twirling and grabbed Zoltar by the cloak. "Listen.....Blue reject from an Oompa Lumpa dance review..... don't call me small again? I hate that... and besides....I haven't had any candy today so I'm rather....PISSED OFF!"

 Keyop went back to twirling and let his bola fly just as the venucian gunner found his mark and blasted the rock with a good laser shot.

" Mama gorgio anti-plasto....I gat da stupid bastardios!!"

The bola connected with the ship's windshild and detonated with a huge explosion that left the Venucian Don covered in black carbon......

" Ok.......Ok............Now eye's one pissed off savidario!! Get my guns,  I'm a gonna rip that kidsa freeken vocal coards outa wida spoonio!"
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