Reviewer: cathrl Signed
Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Nice story - and definitely good to see Tiny stepping up, thinking for himself, and doing the right thing. I'm pretty sure getting back in the air would be something that would work for Mark, and I liked him being "economical with the truth" over how much authorisation he had to take the jet.
I was confused by whose son Mark is here - Anderson's or Cronus's? And, to be honest, he's a bit of a drip throughout this, with no real indication that he's a superior candidate at anything. Doesn't he have _any_ good qualities of his own? A few signs that there might be some strength there doesn't really translate to "commander of Earth's top strike team". On this showing, Tiny's a better candidate.
Where's Don? You have Mark drop his name as if he's one of the team, but then at the end the "four heads" thing makes it sound as if Anderson thinks of them as a team of five.
To my mind you could also have lost the profanity with no effect on the story at all - at which point, why use it? It's a story which would have no need for a rating at all except for random use of the F word.
And now I've nitpicked - but I do that when I enjoy something. Good story and I look forward to more. Author's Response:
Thank you for the review Cathrl. You have picked up on a few things I am still trying to sort out in my AU namely Don's appearance/non-existance at this point in the timeline and Mark's change in attitude from this "drip", as you call it, to the strong Commander we all know. Hopefully some of my other stories will show those "flares of strength" that Anderson sees to explain to readers Mark's change in attitude.
As for which of the two is Mark's biological father, in my AU - neither. Story to come some day, maybe. Makes for a great story with Mark feeling betrayed by both the men he feels he could trust.