And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor ... by jublke
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Story Notes:

My sincere appreciation to Chris White, who graciously agreed to beta-read this piece of fluff.  My thanks also to the Gatchamania community for inspiring this one.  Any remaining errors are mine.

Battle of the Planets is owned by Sandy Frank by way of Tatsunoko.  I own none of this, except for Magna-glasses (TM).  (I'm sure this technological breakthrough will earn me millions.)


You're a busy man.

(Shot of Anderson sitting at his desk, frowning at a pile of papers.)

Your work is far too important to trust to just anyone.  

(Shot of Zark taking a ten-second oil break.)

You can't afford to waste time.  

(Numerous shots of men [and one woman] pushing 1950's style thick-framed glasses up their noses, then trying to screw teeny little screws back into the frames, and finally taping their glasses together with copious amounts of duct tape.)

That's why you need Magna-glasses (TM).

(Same shot of Anderson, sitting at his desk.  This time, he looks up - the frown is less severe - and you can see that his glasses have no stems.)

Magna-glasses (TM) use a mysterious, powerful, ancient force known MAG-NE-TISM.

(Cut to crude drawing of Earth with little wiggly lines coming out of it.)

This mystical secret, which has been finally been unlocked by modern-day scientists, can now be yours for the low, low price of $299.95, plus shipping and handling.  

(Gratuitous shot of 1-Rover-1 wagging his tail and yipping enthusiastically.)

Simply insert the specially-formatted surgical-grade steel tool (shot of a pipe cleaner) up your nasal cavity to place these tiny but powerful magnets (small silver-colored balls that look like children's toy) into your frontal sinuses.  Now your glasses will stay on like magic!

(Numerous shots of same men [and woman] in glasses exactly like Anderson's, all wearing powder blue suits, now with slight smiles on their faces.)  

Buy now, and we'll throw in this beautiful blue suit (You know the one!) absolutely free!

Magna-glasses (TM).  For a perfect fit, every time.  

(Closing shot of Zark in powder blue suit, clip-on tie, and glasses, burbling contentedly.  1-Rover-1 is laying at his feet, happily munching the surgical-grade steel pipe cleaner.)

Chapter End Notes:
Offer not valid for those living outside of the Intergalactic Federation of Peaceful Planets.  Do not eat Magna-glasses (TM) magnetic balls or allow your pet to chew on the surgical-grade steel instrument.  Remove magnetic balls at once if you experience any of the following: bleeding, howling, rust-colored skin, or the inability to walk by metal objects without sticking to them.  This offer has been made for parody purposes only.  Do not try this at home. 
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