A few months had passed since Joe left their apartment, and she was slowly working her way into her own place of depression.

The first week after he left she spent drinking away her sorrows, loud music, singing until her voice hurt, turning up the amp on the electric guitar playing sad love songs of broken hearts and betrayal of lovers, then sleeping in until midday. The alcohol numbed the pain, if she didn’t feel, she couldn’t die of a broken heart. It had become a habit.

She had money, when the war was officially over and the Science Ninja Team was decommissioned upon their spectacular return to Earth in a firebird designed by Dr Nambu for such an occasion.

They all were granted large sums of money, and ongoing payments each year for the rest of their lives for what they did in saving their planet. More than enough to live on without ever having to work again if they chose not to.

Until that moment in time she hadn’t had to think about filling in her time. Most of her days had been filled to the brim organising their wedding, visiting Ken in hospital, and helping him out when he was weak, and unable to function. He was still living in his shack, and he wasn’t interested in moving out any time soon.

 It was all mapped out for her, she’d become a wife and mother in time, married to the man she loved. Or so she thought. 

One morning she woke up with the sounds of someone knocking on her door. The persistent person wouldn’t leave, whoever it was kept knocking.

Pulling on her loose grey track pants and white T-shirt, she stumbled out of her bedroom with a blasting headache ready to snarl at whoever was behind the door.

“Go away.” She shouted. Ouch that hurt her brain, even to talk.

“Common Jun, open up.” Ken’s muffled tone came through the door. “Jinpei’s worried.”

“Jinpei.” She repeated, he called her again, a few days ago? She’d lost track, and couldn’t remember the conversation.

“Yeah,” Ken said through the door. ”If you don’t let me in, he’s flying home today.”

She couldn’t let that happen.

“You see me, call him and tell I’m fine.” She said. ”Go away Ken.”

Pulling the locks to open, she pulled on the door and stumbled backwards, unbalanced from an unhealthy lifestyle since the day Joe drove off.

She handed him the phone, ordered him to call her brother and let him know she’d seen her and she was fine.

“No you’re not… this is a mess-“ He said. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

Screwing up her nose, she cast him a dirty look as he spoke. That’s when it hit her a wave of nausea, and she ran for the toilet throwing up the contents of her stomach until she was dry reaching.

Without a word, she a hand rested on her shoulder, gently helping her to feet, the sounds of the shower and waffling steam swirled around her.

Then he thrusted her into the cubical. The warm water hit her senses bringing on nausea again. She had nothing left to throw up.

Through the steaming up glass she watched him in a foggy haze cleaning the toilet. The strong scent of pine disinfectant and sounds of flushing as he moved about the bathroom, and eventually leaving, closing the door behind him.

After a while the sensations eased, and her headache dulled to light thud rather than a hammer. Stumbling out of the shower after stripping off her wet clothing, drying off and wrapping a towel around her hair.

The stench wafted around her, the whole place stank of neglect. For the first time since went on her downward spiral she noticed it.

The whole time he didn’t speak. Sitting on the lounge in the living room waiting for her to dress and emerge half human. Trying to zip up her jeans, eventually giving up from the effort and residing to wearing stretchy track pants again.

The weight had crept up on her since Joe left, a few rolls spilled over the top of the jeans. She’d barely noticed since leaving the apartment had been to stop by the bottle shop, and then she discovered the bottle shop did a delivery run, so she no longer needed to leave her sanctuary of pain and neglect to face the world outside.

Running her fingers through her long, tangled locks, she couldn’t be bothered brushing it, weak from weeks of drinking and insomnia. She barely looked at him.

Eventually walking out of her personal space, moving through empty bottles strewed across the floor and boxes of pizza, some of them half eaten and others untouched. The unpleasant smell assaulted her senses as she sobered up.

Ken didn’t move, he observed as she poured herself a glass of scotch from a half empty bottle, no ice and ungraciously flopped into one of the lounge chairs.

“Wasn’t that enough?” He queried, indicating to the bathroom. “Be prepared to be back there soon.”

“Who cares. I didn’t ask you to come here.” She snapped. “Go fly a plane or something.”

Picking up a bottle of bourbon, she smirked as with anticipation of smooth bitter taste, followed by a hint of sweetness. “My lover, we are going to have fun tonight.” She told the full bottle of dark liquid.

Ken snorted, refusing to touch the glass she poured for him, he had the nerve to pour it down the sink.

“How rude,” she said, draining her glass. “Eagle can’t hold a drink, you used to spend hours drinking with my ex-fiancée Condor Joe at the Snack J. Drinking it all for free.”

 Draining the warm smooth liquid, and pouring another, she proceeded to drink the entire bottle in front of him. With the gait of drunk dancer, her head swimming from the effects of the scotch she lost track of time again. The world blurred and she forgot about him being there for a while.

She flicked the on switch of her stereo, selecting rock music, throwing up the volume, and inviting him to dance with her. Shaking his head, he barely moved from his seat.

Eventually walking into the unhygienic kitchen, boiling the kettle and making himself a pot of green tea.

Drinking the hot tea slowly, bowing his head, for the first time in her life she saw real tears pooling his eyes. Placing his cup on a cleared side table, the Eagle walked over switched off her loud music, abruptly bringing her dance to a halt.

His normally stoic facial features turned to disgust. Dragging her roughly in front of the mirror in the hallway. “What are you doing to yourself Swan, wake up.”

Flinching at the sight of her unruly mop, dark rimmed eyes and bitter frown. Her skin had gone from a healthy creamy glow to sappy and dull she looked like a vagrant. Numb inside she no longer cared.  

“Did you come here to give me a lecture.” Stumbling towards her bedroom, a wave of exhaustion rolled over her like a mecha ball. “Save your moral lecture for someone who cares. I’m living my own life now.”

“This isn’t living.” He followed her. “It’s self-destruction.”

“Who cares.” She yelled. “He doesn’t. No one cares.”

Falling across the bed, dizzy and incoherent, she fell into a drunken sleep.

Waking up hours later with a blanket over her and the mingled scents of soy and honey, wafted through the door. Still tired, and unsure of how long she’d been sleeping the day blended into another.

No one had cooked a thing in the kitchen since Joe left, she’d barely boiled a jug of water. He had insisted on doing all the cooking, often kicking her out of the kitchen while he worked.

Slowly sitting up, everything ached. Throwing her stiffened legs over the side of the bed, she was becoming more accustomed by the day to waking up half drunk and stumbling out into the living room.

“What’s ya cooking?” She mumbled. “Its not helping my head.”  Shifting back her messy hair, and straightening the stained single she wore. Realizing she didn’t have a bra on, she couldn’t remember the last time she bothered.

“Lunch, you slept through yesterday afternoon and most of the morning.” He answered bluntly.

Throwing her gaze around the apartment, he’d done some cleaning, the bottles were in piles and kitchen useable again. The place still had the look of some neglect. The hum of her washing machine in use was a surprise.

Pulling out a chair at the dining table, she flopped down folding her arms on the table.

“Can you get some cutlery.” He asked. “I’m not waiting on you.” Pointing to the draw he was perfectly in range in to get them himself. Pointing it out to him, with him completely ignoring her, he sat the food in front of her without utensils.

Planting her hands firmly on the table, shooting him the best death glare she could summon, and lifting herself up abruptly. Not bothering to hide her annoyance with his actions, she walked over to the draw getting her own chopsticks, and wandering back to her seat.

Without a word, she ate the stir-fried vegetables, the hit of sweet and savoury in the sauce brightened her a little. It was the first healthy meal she’d eaten since Joe left.

They ate in silence, and she preferred it that way.

Finishing up, he threw her a T-towel and with his non-verbal eye contact and body language ordered her to help him. Just like the old days… Ken’s lectures either silent or verbal…drive me insane. She internally moaned. He doesn’t even know me as a person, he’s all about saving the world and being a hero, the big picture and not caring for actual people. 

Washing up and putting away the dishes she later went to the place she kept her store of alcohol in to find it empty. Spinning on her heels she demanded him to tell her what he what did with it.

Picking up the phone on speed dial, she called the Bottle shop, delivery service. Ken snatched the phone from her hand, hanging up before she finished her order.

“You gonna punch me in the face Ken, pull me into line Gatchaman.” She baited, blaring her teeth. “Go ahead-“

“Don’t tempt me.” He threw back, icy blues piercing her. “Besides, you were the one when we were a team that time me not to treat you differently from the rest of us. If I’d punch Joe over it… well you got the same.”

“Give me back the phone.” She said reaching for it, he pulled his arm back tightening his grip. Jun threw a punch, and he easily deflected it. He didn’t strike back.

“Give it back.” She screamed launching at him, rage filling her from his actions. He didn’t raise a hand, instead the Eagle pinned her to the wall until she stopped fighting him.

“Now.” He calmly whispered through his teeth in her ear. “You’re going to do as you’re told Swan.”

Clenching her jaws tight, a boiling heat rose from the pit of her stomach. In that moment, she hated him too. His blue eyes darkened as they fought a silent battle of wills. Eventually loosening his grip, and the phone flew across the room.

“No more deliveries of the crap you’ve been drinking.” He relaxed his grip, waiting for her comply.

“Why are you here?” She collapsed against the wall, drained from the effort it took to fight him. Thinking up anything she could use to insult him.

Through clenched teeth, she threw at him. “You…self-absorbed prick, you’re just here to try and fix me, how it must vex you to have me not be the obedient mouse I once was-“

“You’re getting dressed properly, and coming with me.” Ken answered her quietly ignoring her continuing interrogation over her missing supply, and hurling insults.

“You don’t get to order me around anymore Ken. We are no longer a team and your no longer my Commander. “ She repeated.

“I’m your friend.” He broke in, calmer than a still ocean. “I’ve come here knocking on your door for a week. Hearing your loud music and drunken singing, deliveries of alcohol turn up. The sounds of broken glass--- if you didn’t open it yesterday I was going to break down the door.”

“Friends know each other.” She spat. “I know all about you… but you know nothing about me. What I do is my business.” She fired back, some of the wind going out of her conviction from his tone.

“Yes, it is...your business.” He agreed. “Get on some proper clothes, we’re going for a walk.”

“I might.” She huffed. Walking towards her bedroom.

“When did you become so stubborn.” He uttered. Grabbing her arm and marching her into the room, picking some clothing, and throwing it at her. “I can put them on you like a two-year-old of you like.”

Shoving his hands into his pockets, and walking over to the living room window staring out the view.

Pulling on her shorts, and finding a clean shirt, and shoes. She emerged from the room.

Forcing her stand still while he brushed her hair, a strange gesture from Ken.

“That hurts.” She grouched, pulling away.

“Suck it up Princess.” He grinned. “Take your torture.”

“You’re rough.” She growled, resisting the urge to wipe it off his face.

“I’m trying not to hurt you, its matted.” He admitted. “I’m not good at hair.”

“I have detangler conditioner in the bathroom.” She indicated, he went and found it, applied it, and continued brushing slower, taking his time.

He was gentle in his touch as he stoked the brush through the tangles. Realizing no one had touched her since Joe- she accepted his gesture of kindness by sitting still and quiet- the touch of his fingers ignited some feeling inside of her other than the numbness.   

A hour later they left her apartment, he wouldn’t budge until she was properly groomed. Walking out into the bright sunlight of mid-afternoon, squinting her eyes as the sun hit them like a rain of shuriken poking her with invisible beams. Warm sun kissed her skin reminding her they were still in summer.

Trying to keep pace they walked the streets in silence, the whole time she was trying to figure out where he was taking her a few more turns they ended up at the parklands. Green lawns stretched out before her, with families enjoying the warmth of the day.

Striding ahead of her down the pathway through the tall shady tree’s finally stopping, and sitting on a bench located in a secluded spot along the edge of the lake. Pulling a small bag out of his shirt pocket, throwing grain at the ducks walking along the banks.

“What are we doing?” She asked.

“What does it look like. Feeding the ducks, enjoying the day.” He went back his task of throwing grain, few wandered up closer.

Shrugging her shoulders, she wanted to go back to her apartment and hide from the world. Voicing her objections, and standing up he remained seated.

“You’ve indulged in self-pity for long enough.” He stated quietly. “It’s time to start over.”

“Who are you to talk, you walled yourself in your shack for weeks after your last Chemo treatment.” As soon as the words left her mouth Jun regretted it.

“I did, and you and Joe pulled me out of it…kinda.” He said. “Keep going on this path and you’ll end up an alcoholic. Did you risk everything up on that alien ship, to drink yourself to death?”

 She answered. “I thought…” I’d had it all worked out… it takes away the pain.

Flopping back onto the bench she grabbed a handful of grain, and tossed it at the birds.

“I…” Struggling with the pain, she sat in silence. “I had thought since I was seventeen my life was worked out. Joe and I would be married, kids, home… now I’m single and lost.”

“It’s not so bad being single.” A warm grin fluttered across his mouth. ” I’ve been single for as long as I can remember… well… you know…since…well… I’m fine with it.”

 For the first-time she noticed the sunlight drawing out auburn highlights in his short clumps of unruly hair. His hair was growing back at last. Details of the world she had shut out because of her grief from losing Joe and her future.

“What did I do wrong?” Her voice cracked. “We went wrong somewhere, but…”

“I can’t answer that, it’s between you and Joe.” He responded. “Common, lets walk again.”

For a while they walked around the park, barely talking until the sun dipped into the sky. Shoving his hands into his pockets, they returned to her apartment.

Ken said his goodbyes, before walking out the door he invited her to the airfield in the morning, she’d have to find her own way out there.

Left in the empty space around her, filled with reminders of Joe in the things he left behind. She walked over to a picture of the two of them from happier days sitting on a bench.

Chest tightening, and tears stinging her eyes, she picked up her keys for the old Snack J. she purchased the building as soon as the war ended, and hadn’t given much thought to reopening it.

Arriving at the door, switching on lights, she found exactly what she was looking for. Alone again and opening the bottle she poured herself a drink. Sliding onto one of the stool Joe occupied the during the war, she sat staring into the golden liquid.

Hours passed as the moonlight moved across the room, losing track of time Jun didn’t touch the full glass of spirits. She didn’t sleep, and she didn’t drink it.  Being sober meant she thought about her former fiancé constantly, churning over in her mind like a constant grinder, over what the problems were that drove him away from her again and again.

Her walk in the sunshine and seeing nature broke something inside of her. Ken dropping in for a visit, and forcing her to look long and hard at herself. He wasn’t kind, and didn’t pander to her. His silence spoke volumes.

The words echoed in her mind. You keep going on this path and you’ll become an alcoholic. He was concerned. Someone cared that she breathed.   

There was once a time when he would have walked in the door and poured himself a drink of scotch or what was available. Drinking with Joe until the early hours of the morning. That was before the hypershoot illness, and cancer. She had been closer to him as a friend, someone Jinpei adored.  

This time he made green tea and a healthy meal. She saw changes in him, she hadn’t noticed being so wrapped up in Joe and planning their wedding.

Part of the chemistry was Joe’s brooding nature, she was draw to it. She had been from the time she was sixteen years old. They had been together for five years, if she included the time she thought he was dead.

Those had been dark days for her, but not once did she turn to drinking, she grieved for him, and was still grieving when he came back into her life again. Like a ghost materializing before her. Now he’d left her the same way.

It was like he died again, but was still walking alive in the world somewhere still living.

The moonlight changed into sunlight through the dusty windows. The glass untouched sat before her waiting for a decision.

Gathering her thoughts and flattened emotions, placing her hands onto the bench and gently lifting herself out the seat, and picking up the glass she headed into the kitchen and poured it down the sink, along with the rest of the bottle.

Rubbing her hands together she had to do something else other than drown in self-pity. Still crushed from breaking up with Joe, a part of her wondered if he would come back soon and try and patch things up. It’s how it had worked in the past.

They’d break up over some secret he was harbouring and weeks later they’d make up again in bed. The course of the chemistry in their relationship, the sparks that drew her to him like a spark plug igniting when the key turned in the engine over.

Walking back into the main bar area, drawing in a long break and releasing it. Ken had mentioned he’d like her to visit him at the shack.

Tired from a night of no sleep, and flattened emotionally, drained of energy, she really didn’t feel like riding her motorbike to the outskirts of the city where he lived.

The idea of returning to the apartment didn’t appeal either.

Walking upstairs, and finding a few clothes. Jun changed into jeans and clean T-shirt, grabbing an old bikers leather jacket she did up the zip and pulled on her leather boots.

The coolness of the early morning reminding her the turn of seasons would be coming soon and she’d missed most of summer locked away.

Satisfied she looked half decent, she left the old Snack J, walking to the apartment long enough to grab keys and her motorbike. Locking the place up, she left for the airfield on the outskirts of Utoland.