The Gatchaman Drinking Game by JaneLebak
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Gatchaman Drinking Game

Rules as per most other drinking games: get a drink that's legal and appropriate to your age group (so for the Battle of the Planets version, that might be Strawberry Quik) and every time one of the following occurs, take one (1) sip.

General:
  • Lousy animation.
  • Colors of uniform are obviously wrong, or one character is drawn wearing another's uniform. In some of the stock footage, used in episode after episode in all three series, the colors are wrong. Drink to those as well because someone should have caught it after eight years.
  • Bell-bottom shot.
  • Gratuitious panty shot.
  • Clearly recycled footage from about five minutes ago.
  • Huge mech shows up and starts destroying stuff.
  • Mech has totally unbelievable flaw (can't withstand sunlight, for example.)
  • Mech/weapon of certain doom is defeated by overheating it.
  • Villain commander is in an outfit that matches the mech he's piloting.
  • Stop the tape for a moment of silence if the villain commander's costume doesn't make you fall over laughing.
  • Bad guys have the team in a no-escape situation and don't just kill them.
  • Team has main villain in a no-escape situation and stands by during his or her escape.
  • One drink when someone else drinks. When it's been poisoned, say, "Drink it all, [character name]--sometimes the poison all goes to the bottom." If the character only faked drinking/dying, drink again--you deserve it.
  • The flung-around-the-cockpit drink.
  • Additional drink if an unGatchaffiliated person says "Why don't they have seatbelts?"
  • Four characters sitting in lounge, one standing; four characters standing, one sitting.
  • Oh, did he or she get swept up in certain annihilation again? (Drink once when the character returns from certain death.)
  • "I'll fire a missile!" "No, you mustn't!"
  • Hinotori/firebird sequence. Drink twice if the characters in the stock footage aren't in the same seats they were two seconds ago.
  • The GodPhoenix gets destroyed. Again. And repairs take zero time.
  • Character goes off on his own, against orders, telling no one. Drink when they find him/her anyhow.
  • Anyone says he/she ought to leave the team, isn't worthy of dying for his cause, doesn't deserve such great friends.
  • You can sing a minor-key version of the dare-da song to the background music.
  • The Overlord has a fight with his Chosen.
  • If the Overlord pastes his Chosen to the wall, drink until you're numb.
  • Children are involved in the plot to take over the world.
  • Scientist is butt-ugly.
  • Child is butt-ugly. Depending on how ugly, players may decide to drink once per screen shot until the child ceases to look so unappealing.
  • The Falcon-chan amendment: Butt-ugly child is Jinpei.
  • In the unlikely event the guest villain is not butt-ugly, stop the tape. You've already had too much to drink.
  • "Unless you surrender, I'll destroy this person/building/ country/planet." And the character does it.
  • Mech blows up just when the commander would have pressed the red button.
  • Deus Ex Machina drink: Red Impulse shows up at the last moment, the sun rises, the machine blows up, a feather gets jammed in the works...and the team doesn't have to do a thing to defeat the bad guys.
  Gatchaman:
  • Condor Joe says "kuso"/Ken says "shimatta".
  • Berg Katse laughs maniacally.
  • Jinpei gets rapped on the head or yelled at by Jun.
  • Ryu and Jinpei serve as comic relief.
  • Red Impulse infuriates Ken. (Drink twice if he also infuriates you.)
  • Red Impulse acts like a father--DON'T try to drink or you may choke to death in surprise.
  • Galactor agents are unbelievably stupid. ("Hello? Galactor secret base--may I help you?") If they're unsavory for other reasons, drink twice. If these individuals also want to get promoted to captain, drink again.
  • Shooter round if the Galactor being unbelievably stupid is Berg Katze ("Well, let's go back to our secret headquarters at Cross Karakoram.")
  • Katse whines about running an organization of fools. If this is superimposed with a scene involving above unsavory officer, drink twice.
  • Bonus round for serious fans only: If it's a scene where Zoltar also whines about running an organization of fools, shooters for everybody.
  • Jun screams but no one else does.
  • In the interests of proper gender relations, there is also a drink if everyone screams but Jun doesn't. This doesn't count if Jun's not actually present.
  • Similarly, Jinpei screams "Aniki!" or "Oneechan!"
  • Stop the tape if someone in the viewing room screams. We're not in it for the pain, folks.
  • Ken wants his daddy.
  • Joe hits somebody with his car, and, miraculously, nobody's pissed.
  • "We have to get permission to use the bird missles!" Drink if you're watching the episodes in sequence and suddenly, mysteriously, that rule gets forgotten.
  Battle of the Planets:
  • Everyone ejected/was evacuated/escaped just in time.
  • Bonus shot if the animation makes it obvious they didn't.
  • Double bonus shot if the characters waste three lines of dialouge insisting everyone survived anyhow. ("Glad you're back, Mark--where are the astronauts?" "They're in sick bay.")
  • Words spoken obviously don't match the facial expression.
  • Zark interacts with a character.
  • Drink whenever Keyop launches into a maniacal drum solo, wreaking havoc in the rec room.
  • Heck, find a reason *not* to drink when Zark's onscreen.
  • Outdated slang. ("About that scorpion robot--Hea-vy!")
  • Voice matched up with wrong character shot.
  • Obvious insertion of fact in order to qualify as an educational show ("Whales are an important part of our oceans' ecology, Jason.")
  • Glaring jump in the soundtrack.
  • Dispatch those robot fighters again (and another drink when they're summarily destroyed.)
  • And while we're at it, all the troops are robots too.
  • Drink if everyone gets rehabilitated at the end of an episode.
  • Mala's relationship to Zoltar is stressed and stressed again as purely filial.
  • Yes, kids--we're really in SPACE!
  • The Alara's Delight Rule: We actually see evacuated people! (This only happens once, so take two drinks.)
  • Keyop stammers so hard you can't understand what he says.
  • Someone other than Alan Young or Casey Kasem does an extra role.
  • Princess reverses the polarity of anything.
  • Dead bodies onscreen (oops.)
  • New names for missiles/weapons every time they show up.
  • My Three Dads drink: new version of what happened to Mark's father every time it's mentioned.
  • Sometimes Zoltar knows the team-members' identities. Drink when he refers to one of them by name.
  • Go for two if Mark pretty much tells him their names.
  • The name of the mecha given in the title (and by Zark) doesn't actually match what the mecha is. Two if it's not even the same phylum.
  • For serious fans only: any given line in BotP is actually better suited to the character or better executed than the Gatchaman line.

 

G-Force:
  • Cannot distinguish between two voices.
  • Unnecessary dub line inserted. (Drink twice if you really can't tell if it was Dirk or Hootie.)
  • Dirk begins a sentence with "Owh, Ace..."
  • Still another voice for Galactor.
  • Galactor treats Komputor like an actual computer.
  • Bonus drink if Galactor kowtows to his own creation...
  • The "no, this isn't coffee, kids--it's hot chocolate" drink. As above, if it's obviously been poisoned, say, "Drink it all, [character name]--sometimes the poison all goes to the bottom."
  • Ace feels it necessary to lecture and lecture and lecture...
  • Character is referred to by both first and last names. Drink twice if Aggie gets mad that Ace called her "Agatha."
  • Dirk tries to fire a bird missle and can't because the whole Phoenix isn't assembled, and his reaction is translated as "Oh, I forgot."
  • One of Galactor's men talks about wanting to get a promotion. Drink again when he's promoted to the next life.

 

Gatchaman II:
  • Joe laments losing his humanity.
  • Gel Sadra acts like a baby.
  • Ken or Joe punch each other for no good reason.
  • Jun is fawning all over Joe, and the audience is confused as to why.
  • "Failure is the mother of the greatest successes!"
  • The Diinzumo observation: "My turn to die! My turn!"
  • The team doesn't realize Joe's a cyborg even when presented with a mountain of evidence. "No, I always conduct electricity through my body- haven't you ever tried it?"
  • Joe has long lashes and soulful eyes. Drink twice if he's acting moody.
  • Real aquarium shot in the G-Town ready room.
  • Bonus shot if you can identify the fish.
  • Piemur makes sounds like R2D2, again for no good reason.
  • The first time the New GodPhoenix shows up, you may take one drink after crowing like a rooster. If you laugh so hard you spit out your drink, you may have another, but be more careful this time.
  • Galactor base is a tower, a satellite dish, and a few small buildings.
  • Bonus shots for "spot the outhouse"

 

Eagle Riders:
  • The dialogue reminds us that these are "androids" right before the team spars with an army of Vorak goons.
  • Doctor Keane shows shows a picture of people lying around and says they are unconcious.
  • For those who know the other versions: minor characters keep their original names.
    Mallanox is addressed/reffered to as a male.
    The dialogue makes a Power Rangers in-joke.
  • Glaring gap in continuity ("New vehicles....")
  • Pandora says, "See, Joe's a cyborg" and Hunter says, "I knew it!" My guess is that the dead giveaway that someone's a cyborg is he acts perfectly normal, gets two lines per episode, and that's it.
  • Piemur acts too smart for his own good. If you've got one of those disk guns, fire one at the TV as well and shout, "I'd almost prefer ZARK!"
  • Mallanox speaks. Everyone drinks. If Mallanox makes a joke and it's actually funny, ignore this rule.
  • Count the number of times a new watcher of the show wonders why they have two openings, and then drink once for each.
  • If you find yourself singing "Uh...uhuhuhahuhuh...." along with the opening, everyone else gets a drink.
  • If the annoying commercial break clip gets to you, drink hard.
  • Mallanox makes a direct reference to one of the underlings as an android ("I'll turn you into a thirty slice toaster!")
  • If there happens to be a religious studies major in the room, and she happens to start discussing what Vorak conceptions of hell must be based on their terror of becoming toasters, and how their numerology emphasizes the number thirty as the Mark of the Beast because of it's being two shy of two to the fifth, take whatever drink you haven't consumed yet and splash her with it. Yes, this conversation actually happened.
  • The first time Hunter Harris speaks in each episode, everyone in the viewing room has to chant together, "I'm Hunter Hugh Harris of Borg. Continuity is futile. Voice acting is useless. We have been assimilated."
  • On seeing the NGP, you must recite the stock lines of each character, and when Harris says, "Eagle Riders, What's our mission?" you must shout at the top of your lungs, "To line Saban's pockets!"

 

Mercy drinks:

A mercy drink is designed for those who aren't so in love with the series that they'll watch it no matter how badly it's been handled. During a mercy drink sequence, you may drink until the pain has been numbed. Mercy drinks are allowed for:

  • Any time Zark is talking during a Center Neptune sequence.
  • Any rec-room sequence in Battle of the Planets
  • Any time the pounding backbeat shows up.
  • Katse wears an ant costume.
  • Any Gatchaspartan scene (this supersedes the PMRC).
  • The Kathy episode.
  • The puppy episode (not only for Joe fans--a fan of anyone thought to have more than four brain cells to rub together should drink long and hard to endure that one.)
  • Any song in Gatchaman II.

The PMRC: This idea is stolen wholesale from the Star Trek drinking game. The Physics Major Reality Check is designed to make bearable those moments when something happens in clear violation of the laws of physics. If you feel like stopping the tape to explain to everyone else in the room exactly why it's in violation and what should have happened, everyone else gets a mercy drink. Note: This applies to physical impossibilities that happen on the show, not in the viewing room. All Gatchaspartan scenes are exempt from this rule. Anything having to do with the birdstyle technology itself is also exempt. Katse fans are in the process of obtaining a court order against any biology majors' inflicting the listeners with reasons why Berg Katze should be in incredible pain with each gender shift.

And good luck! Happy Gatching!

Chapter End Notes:
Note: while a whole lot of this stupidity came from the sick twistings of my own brain, I've incorporated the comments made after I first posted the drinking game to rec.arts.anime.misc. People who gave me comments were: Ennien Ashbrook, Alara Rogers, Katharine Foust, Jen Nolan, and Donna Gregory.
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