INTERVIEWER: So, you’ve just finished the BotP/Gatchaman fanfiction challenge. What’s next for you?

MARY SUE: After my meeting with Steven Spielberg and Nora Ephron, I’m think I’ll return that call to President Bush.

INTERVIEWER (surprised): President Bush called you?

MARY SUE: He’s asked me to be his advisor for the war on terror. He said that anyone who could – and I quote – “kick Zoltar’s fat purple butt like that” was perfect for the job.

INTERVIEWER: Were you surprised to have your fanfiction optioned as a screenplay so quickly?

MARY SUE: Well, I knew I had a great story. How could anyone not like Mary Sue Anderson? She’s the perfect role model for today’s youth. Everyone loves her, especially when she saves the team. No one else even comes close to her fighting ability. The team would be nothing without her.

INTERVIEWER: I hear that Brad Pitt has agreed to play the male lead?

MARY SUE (sighing): Yes, he’s so pleased to be a part of Spandex Siren. But he was disappointed to be cast as my brother Mark instead of my lover Jason.

INTERVIEWER (trying very hard not to roll eyes): Has the role of Jason been cast yet?

MARY SUE (giggling): I’m not at liberty to say. But I can tell you that I’ve personally screen-tested several of today’s hottest young actors. We’re looking for just the right lip-lock. I want that wedding scene to be absolutely perfect.

INTERVIEWER (gagging): Well, that’s all the time we have for today. Tune in tomorrow when, you guessed it, we get to hear even more from Mary Sue!

THE END (thankfully)